Great Read: Unglued

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

If you notice, my book reviews either titled great read or good read because the truth is I never finish books that I don't like so I don't feel right to give a bad review to book that I don't read 'till the end. Last year I read great reviews about Lysa Terkeurst book Unglued and was captivated when I listened to her video podcast here so I knew I have to put this in my reading list. 

It's indeed a great book especially if you struggle with your raw emotions like me. Below is my notes from the book. Just for your information Lysa wrote a lot of stories and lessons; my notes barely scratch the surface of what she shared in the book:

Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst
Making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions

If we don't get a handle on our emotion, we will destroy the relationship we value the most and weave into our life permanent threads of short-temperedness, shame, fear, and frustration. God gave us emotions so I could experience life, not destroy it. 

We can face things that are out of our control and not act our of control. Embrace any conviction you feel. Condemnation defeats us. Conviction unlocks the greatest potential for change. 

Sometimes we think if we don't make instant progress, then real change isn't coming. But that's not so. There is a beautiful reality called imperfect progress, a slow steps of progress wrapped in grace.

Self effort alone can't tame the tongue and our raw emotions that run wild. - James 3:7-8

Crafting our response Template:
1. Begin by honoring the one offended
2. Keep your response short and full of grace
3. End by extending compassion

Choosing a gentle reply doesn't mean we're weak; it actually means we possess a rare and godly strength. 

In the end, remember that it's not our job to fix the other person with our reply. That's God's job. Our job is to be obedient to God in the midst of our own issues. 

Self control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It's the external expression of our relationship with God. 

Have you ever tried to keep the peace by avoiding confrontation and pretending that everything is fine? As Christians, sometimes we stuff because it feels more godly. Barriers shut down communication. When we determine that other people aren't safe, we label them with words such as demanding, irresponsible, negative, selfish, and so on. Eventually, the relationship will shrivel up and die because it's been deprived of open communication, the life-giving oxygen that fuels good relationships.

What we need is boundaries, not barriers. Boundaries set relationships on a progressive course that leads to connection. 

Instead of avoiding, stuffing, or building walls, boundaries would say:
"If you continue to be late, we will drive separate cars."
"I love to bring the grandchildren to meet you, but please turn off the inappropriate movie when they are there."
"I respect your thoughts and opinion and I hope you respect mine too even though you may disagree."

Unrealistic expectations are often the seeds of bitterly stuffed emotions. Unrealistic expectations are things the other person isn't able or willing to do for me. We have to let go of these. Realistic expectations are things I can reasonably expect the other person to do. Our next step, then, is to discern how we communicate these expectation with gentleness and in the right timing. 

Feelings can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate our behavior and boss us around. 

God's divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life ~ 2 Peter 1:3-8. We may not be gentle by nature, but we can be gentle by obedience. 

We need our own set of default procedures for when selfishness, pride, impatience, anger, or bitterness rear their ugly heads:
Step 1. Remember who you are ~ Proverbs 22:1 "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold."
Step 2. Redirect your focus to Jesus and His truth
Step 3. Recognize God's job isn't our job ~ 2 Chronicles 20:15 "...for the battle is not yours, but God's."
Step 4. Give thank and praise God. 
Step 5. Keep in mind our reactions determine our reach

We have a choice! We can choose patience or gentleness or grace. 


  1. I am in the middle of reading it now. It's a great read...I appreciate how it can be applied to even those without children. I originally started reading it to get guidance about becoming "unglued" as a parent and found it actually applied itself to all my relationships.