If I Had My Life to Live Over

When the kids were young, there was one writing I read that impacted me more than anything else:  

“If I had my life to live over...

By Erna Bombeck, written shortly after she was diagnosed with cancer

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything.

My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.

If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn't show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.

When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listening... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.”

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

 

Copy and paste this from my IG and FB so we won't forget the lesson:

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.“ Matthew 5:3 The Message

A dear friend of ours lost his house to fire about two years ago in Jakarta. When he returned to visit us last month, he shared how God is merciful and faithful: no one got hurt, and the whole family was safe and sound. His Bible is the only thing he owns that survives the fire!

Yet through it all, they chose to trust and give God thanks. Then he shared how God took care of every single thing they needed from food, emergency shelter, clothes, and even underwear.

His sharing reminded me of another dear friend sharing when she went through her battle with cancer. God provides and opens the door from visas for her parents, doctors, and even a satin pillowcase, which she didn't know she needed.

When my mom was fighting cancer until she passed, we too experienced God’s loving kindness and how He opened closed doors as we trust in Him: from providing visas during the worldwide cov*d lockdown, plane tickets, food, lodging, etc…

Psalm 23:1 is true, “The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.”

Praying that we all “may be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.” Ephesians 3:18 TL

A few weeks ago, God called Bobo, my local mom and the kids' local grandma to Heaven. 

We held a home going service at church and many people came to celebrate her, her care, and love.

During the service, we gave people chance their memory with her. Friends and family shares how much she cared toward them, always calling and checking on them, giving people Chinese medicine whenever they are sick, always ready to serve and help anyone. Wherever she goes, she always make friends even with her limited English. To the spouse of her neighbor who has dementia, she kept on encouraging him and prayed for them.

I used to think I was special that she treated me like her own child but then I realized it wasn’t true. I wasn’t special. She loves and treat everyone like her own. 

When the kids were little, I often stop by her place during weekdays. It is such a blessing because the grandparents half a globe away. It's such a blessing to have a local mom and grandma.

Getting Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling

We watched this parenting webinar online earlier this year and it has been so helpful as our kids grow into teenagers. As parents we need to continue to learn, grow, and change as the kids grow and change.

Parent's Crazy cycle:

As parents, we often ask -> Repeat -> Remind -> Yelling

What are your battles:

1. Homework/ Chores, unwillingness to listen and learn

2. Backtalk/ defiance

3. Delaying on doing works/ turning off their devices.

Behavior is not random. There is always reasons for behavior.

Kids have a longing for attention and power. Many kids act out when they don't get enough attention/ love and power/ respect/ independent/ control. 

Kids only continue the behavior that works for them. Kids pushing back in order to gain some power.

Human being are born with Free Will. It means it's always their choice to obey or not.

Most parents use time out, counting 1, 2, 3 but this strategies doesn't work with a strong will kids and they will fight back. 

Punishment and discipline are totally different animals. 

Punishment cause the child to feel: blame, shame, or pain. The child natural reaction will be defensive and lie.

Discipline teaches kids to make better choice in the future

No Yelling Discipline Strategies:

Our personalities play a huge role in power struggles. Take a note when your personalities trigger your kids response?

The more we want things done our ways; the more kids fight back. 

If we simply stop responding with emotion, we are solving 50% of the power struggle.

5R's of Consequences for kids 3 to teens:

1. The consequences must be Respectful. If you can't deal with the problem in respectful moment or when you are angry and resentful, wait or don't do it immediately.

2. The consequences must be Related to the misbehavior. For example: if one doesn't want to brush teeth, he/ she can't eat sugary food like ice cream/ snacks. For older kids: when not turning off the device on time, he/ she can't play the next day. Your kids don't have to like the consequence but it must feel fair. Otherwise, the kids won't feel not fair or justify in their behavior/ anger and shut down

3. Consequences must be Reasonable in duration.

4. Revealed in advance so the child can make a choice, when every body in good mood.

5. Have the child repeat back if he/ she chose not to follow that rule. 

How to talk:

Use: I've noticed... not "you never" or "you always"

In the future, I expect that...

Technology is a privilege not right

I am sure we won't have an issue with this just to make sure we are in the same page; 

Can you tell me our new rule? -> have them to repeat back. 

If he/ she won't repeat back, that means you have power struggle in your hands.

She gets to choose whether she gets to keep her video privileges. 

At the time when the kids breach the rule, watch for your tone whether it is blame, shame, or pain.

Implement consequences with respect:

"I see you CHOSE to lose your computer privileges, but it's learning opportunities. I trust you'll make better choice next time." Let them learn from that and not blame, shame, or pain them. 

Mom's cancer journey - Part 1

It's been a while since I write here. I decided to jot down my mom's cancer journey on the blog. I want to record this journey as we go through the valley of shadow of death and so I don't forget how God's hands holding us through this. 

Swab test, Rapid test, CT Scan, Blood test, Biosy, Endoscopy, Colonoscopy, Pet Scan, MRI, Lung Scan, more Swab tests, Mammogram, another Biopsy. Those are all the tests plus some more that my mom has to take since beginning of July. Mom started to have diarrhea since June and has lost 10 kg since. We brought her for CT Scan, which shown swollen lymph node behind her stomach. After so many tests and studied by internist, surgeon, pathologist, radiologist, and oncologist, they gave their final diagnosis: inoperable pancreatic cancer stage 4. Stage 4 because the cancer already spread to neck and left arm. It can't no longer be cure only slow the growth and spread. 

From the gene test, we learned her type of cancer was BRAF positive, the aggressive kind, which mean we likely don't have much time with her. 

For the first round of chemo, they will administer 3 drugs, which side effect include: numbness of hand and feet, diarrhea, dry skin, and spotty, weak, hick-up, insomnia, and constipation. 

She has to watch her diet and can't eat:

1. Cold food or drink!
2. Sugar
3. Oily food
4. Fruits: grape fruit, star fruit, and pomelo

Capri

Capri is one of my favorite places to visit in the world. I went to Italy for study abroad almost 20 years ago and this was the only place I came back to so my hubby and kids can experience its beauty.We stayed in an airbrb nearby Solerno the night before then took a Ferry from Solerno port. We had to take these stairs to reach the port.

The Ferry only run sparingly during winter so do start your day early if you want to make the first one around 9A.M.

The beautiful Capri

We arrived at 10 AM and got to catch a Ferry back to Sorrento at 2 PM. We knew we can't waste anytime so off we get on the best to our destination taking a bus then chairlift to Mount Solaro:

Italy Travel: Herculaneum

The next day, very early in the morning, we took the train down to Napoli, then rent a car to drive to our next destination: Herculaneum

Like Pompeii, Herculaneum is an ancient Roman city destroyed when Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79 AD. We had to choose between visiting Pompeii or here due to time constraint. We chose to go here after hearing it is a smaller, wealthier cities, and more intact. After the eruption, the town was buried under 20 meters of ash. If you see the above picture, the buildings on the top is the current residential houses and the buildings at the bottom part is Herculaneum.

You can see how rich the town people are, even some of them have mosaic floor.

I told the boys, "Boys look, this street is made of marble." To which Max replied,"But in heaven the street is made of gold, ma." 

Rome Day One: St. Peter's Basilica, Castel Sant' Angelo, and Vatican Museum

We went to Italy last Thanksgiving Holidays. I went to the northern part of Italy many years ago back when I was still in college. We just learned that ticket to Europe is cheap during Thanksgiving week so off we go exploring the southern part of Italy this time. We were surprise to see "Welcome to Italy sign in Chinese character when we arrived at Leonardo da Vinci-Fiumicino Airport.

We stay in an airbnb in the city center. This is our first time staying in an airbnb. On the past, we usually use booking.com or vrbo but airbnb gave us better and cheaper options in Italy. In addition, our hosts were all very helpful and responsive. We feel like having local tour guide to help us navigate the area.    

 First day itinerary: walk about 30 minutes to St. Peter's Basilica. 

 

We took the guided tour to the dome and crypt per recommendation of my friend. So grateful we did otherwise we would miss out many important details. For instance, we didn't know on this very spot, Peter was crucified upside down and was later buried there. The church was built to fulfill Jesus’ words to Peter: “Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’), and upon this rock I will build my church” Matthew 16:18

Summary of the One Minute Manager

Good manager care about people and results. They go hand in hand.
One Minute Management consist of few principals:

a. One Minute Goal Setting. The manager always make it clear what the people's responsibilities and what are they being held accountable for. Each person has about 3-6 goals, and each goal is recorded on a single page.
Take a minute: Look at your performance, and see whether or not your behavior matches your goals.

b. One Minute Praising. To help people reach their full potential; catch them doing something right. Tell people how good you feel about what they did right, and how it helps the organization and the other people who work there then encourage them to do more of the same.
Just as when we teach children to walk; we didn't just tell him "Walk," and when he falls down you pick him up and spank him and say, "I told you to walk." No, you stand the child up and the first time he wobbles a step fall down, you gets all excited, praise, and hugs him. The child realizes that this is pretty good deal, starts to wobble his legs more and more until he eventually walks. 

c. One Minute Reprimand:
Step 1.Gives the reprimand immediately as soon as the person did something wrong. Unless discipline occurs as close to the misbehavior as possible, it tends not to be as helpful in influencing future behavior. Specifies exactly what the person did wrong. Never attack the person's worth or value as a person, just the behavior.
 Step 2. Remind them how much you value them. Reaffirm that you think well of them but not their performance in this situation. Realize that when the reprimand is over, it's over.

Everyone is a potential winners. Some people are disguised as losers. Don't let their appearances fool you.
People who fell good about themselves produce good results.
Productivity is both quantity and quality.

Summary of The Epidemic by Robert Shaw, M.D.

I was pleasantly surprised when I picked up this book from the library. In today world when the norm is letting kids do and be whatever they want; the author write about the important of raising responsible, respectful, secure, and loving children.

"The true test of civilization is, not the census, nor the size of the cities, nor the crops - no, but the kind of man the country turns out." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Large numbers of children today are no longer developing the empathy, moral commitment, and ability to love and respect others. Children are malleable and how we rear them is the major determinant of their outcome.  Today's parents are lulled into believing the child-centric theories preached by parenting gurus: "Never let your baby cry," " He'll use the potty when he's ready." "Discipline is disrespectful," "The child's feelings should come first." But creating an atmosphere that feels satisfactory to the child all the time was leading to an increase in what we call today "narcissistic personalities." Moreover, modern parents are encouraged by culture to push their children onto an endless tract of achievement, to desperately squeeze one more enriching activity into their already full schedules.

As they grow older, our children spend much of their time pursuing entertainment rather than accomplishment: TV, video games, mall roaming, computer hacking, substance abuse, sex. When these children get into trouble academically, we are seeing a cultural tendency to dumb down standards.

Before these days, we held high standards for children at home as well as in school. As they grew, kids contributed more to the family by doing chores like washing dishes, mowing the lawn, taking care of their pets. Now they retreat to their rooms to instant message, video games, and social media.

When we don't train our children to behave, they train us to be their servants.

Book Summary: The Index Card

My fourth book summary this year, one of the most useful, simple, and straightforward personal finance books that I read over the years.

The book was born out of an interview with Harold Pollack, where he mentioned that the correct personal finance advice for most people is simple and fits on a 3x5 index card.

• Save 10 to 20% of your money. Know where your money is going. Make it your first priority to set money aside for emergency fund (3 -6 months of your living expenses): medical, car service, heater broke, etc. One way to cut spending is by using cash instead of card or electronic payment. 

• Pay your credit card balance in full every month. 

• Max Out Your 401(k), never forgo the employer match. Don't count on working forever. After your emergency fund, saving for retirement is the most important savings. The younger you start, the better off you will be. If one start at 25 saving $104 every month for forty year with 6% annual return the person will have about $200,000 by age 65. To accumulate the same $200,000 at the age 45, you will need to put aside $430 a month. 

• Next step is college fund saving. There are two ways: Coverdell Education Savings Account and 529 plan. 

• Invest in low-cost index funds instead of buying or selling individual stocks then buy and hold them for the long haul. Even Warren Buffett suggest this to his children, "A very low-cost S&P 500 index fund." 

The More of Less Book Summary

I love Joshua Becker's blog: BecomingMinimalist.com and was so excited when I heard him published a book on minimalism. I found it very useful not only giving people the "why" but also the "how". Some of the highlight I got from the book:

*Italics is my own words/perspective
The More of Less
The Universal Benefits of Minimalism:
1. More time and energy
2. More money
3. More generosity. This is true for us, we figured if we skipped eating out just once we can sponsor one more kid so we did. 
4. More freedom
5. Less stress because mess + excess = stress
6. Less distraction
7. Less environmental impact
8. Higher-quality belongings. My cheapo's self was having a hard time adjusting to this but after many times throwing lower quality stuffs, I realized if I buy a good quality one in the first place then I use less stuffs.
9. Less comparison
10. More contentment

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from them.

Our Family Travel Medicine List

Every time we travel, I always bring my medicine kit. Since we also use the medicine at home, I often miss bringing a few of the medicine we need on the trip. I thought I wrote down the list here so I can just print out and double check the list before we go traveling.

Travel Medicine List:

1. Eucalyptus oil for nasal congestion, bug repellent, bug bites

2. Lanolin cream for chapped lips, cracked or burnt skin, reduce itchiness from bug bites

3. Tylenol: Pain Reliever/ Fever Reducer 

3. Neosporin, Betadine, cotton balls, & Band Aid

4. Wes' asthma medicine

5. Probiotic to support healthy gut and and activated charcoal for food poisoning/ diarrhea 

6. Allergy medicine for kids and adults

7. Eye drop

8. Sore throat/ cold medicine, I used Halls, Chinese medicine: the golden lozenges, Lo Han Guo, and Yin Chiao tablet   

 9. Miracle of Aloe Rub, for muscle pain relieve. We prefer this over Salonpas

10. Mouth ulcer cream and eye infection cream (bought these in Indonesia)

11. Max's eczema cream

12. Vitamin D and iron supplement for my anemia

13. Emergen C 

14. Zambuk, ointment for brushes

15. Motion sickness medicine kids and adults

Anything else you would add to the list?

My Google Plus Contents - Part 2

Marriage/ Love:
The importance of kindness and generosity for lasting relationships
Have been hearing about this 36 questions. Saving them for our next date: 

Travel:
9 Hidden Gems of New Zealand
California Road Trip ideas
Camping Hacks, Tips, and Ideas
Yellowstone & Grand Teton Camping Trip
30 Places to visit in California with kids
Bay Area best Hikes
Best spots to see wildlife in Bay Area


Perspective/ Love:
When Kids In Third World Countries Read First World Problems:
When BBC flew a drone over Auschwitz
Ebola Epidemic in West Africa 2014-2015
25 Most Dangerous Journey to school
25 Pictures of Churches in Developing World
30 Pictures of Bedrooms in Developing World
What the world eats
2015 Europe Syrian Refugee Crisis
A Stanford Neurosurgeon's parting wisdom about life and time
She sang: "Eventhough I cannot see your plan but my heart still trust in You, O God."

My Google Plus Contents - Part 1

Over the year I use Google Plus to share links to interesting articles, movies, or any other goodies. Now that Google is shutting down Google Plus, I thought I just move the contents and share them here. Enjoy!

Inspiration:
The Drop Box Story

One Stitch Closer: Veronika Scott empowers other women

Auschwitz Survivor Gena Turgel Walked Out of Gas Chamber Alive

"Suffering is not a mistake and isn't the absence of God's goodness because He still presents in pain." Kara Tippetts

Only kindness begets kindness; kindness begets love.

Anger does not beget heart change; it begets shame. Yelling does not beget understanding; it begets hurt. Harsh words do not beget love; they beget humiliation. Intimidation does not beget kindness; it begets fear.

I’ve already seen a return on my investment; as I trust God to help me respond to my rebellious children in kindness and love instead of fear and anger, these young hearts are learning that kindness is always right and they treat each other with kindness. What a joy for my mama’s heart!

"Your time spent pursuing love will not be wasted. The time spent embracing your moments, reading that extra bedtime book, sitting together to dinner, loving a child in their unkindness and weakness matter. Live each moment knowing even your unseen movement toward love and away from unkindness matters." Kara Tippetts, Big Love

Most Dangerous School Run

What Would You Say If Your Wife Was Ripped Away

Brother Burst Into Happy Tears Over Hamster Surprise

Challenging Math Questions for 3rd or 4th grader

I found this challenge math questions at Singapore math book level 3 to be very interesting. So I typed and changed the numbers so the boys can do more math practice. Putting them here in case I need them in the future. I also posted another set of 3th grade math problems a little while ago.

1.       The chart below shows the amount of money Simon saves from Monday to Wednesday

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday
$5	$10	$15

If Simon continues to save in this pattern, how much money will he save by Sunday?

2.       Complete the number pattern.

2 , 4 , 8 , 14 , 22, 32, _____ , _____ , _____

3.       A group of 8 people shook hands with one another in a meeting. Each person shook hands with another person once. How many handshakes were exchanged?

4.       Form 2 digits numbers with the digits 2, 3, 4. The digits in each number can’t be repeated. List all the 2-digit number that can be divided by 4.

5.       I am a number between 30 and 49. If I am divided by 5, there will be a reminder of 2. If I am divided by 6, there will be no reminder. What number am I?

6.       Complete the number pattern

2, 3, 5, 8, 12, 17, _____ , _____ , _____

Book Summary: Your Best Year Ever

My chosen second book to share is Michael Hyatt's "Your Best Year Ever." I especially likes his sharing on focusing to be an abundance thinkers vs. scarcity thinkers.

Our expectations shape what we believe. One of the biggest reasons we don't succeed with our goals is we doubt we can.

Our lives consists of ten interrelated domains:
Spiritual, Intellectual, Emotional, Physical, Marital, Parental, Social, Vocational, Avocational, Financial

To accomplish anything, we have to believe we're up to the challenge. It means we believe we're capable; we have what it takes to prevail.

Scarcity Thinkers vs Abundance Thinkers
a. Entitled and fearful vs. Thankful and confident
b. Believe there will never be enough vs. Believe there's more
c. Stingy with their knowledge, contact, and compassion vs. Happy to share their knowledge, contacts, and compassion with others
d. Assume they are the way they are vs. Assume they can learn, grow, and develop
e. Default to suspicion and aloofness vs. Default to trust and openness
f. Are pessimistic about the future vs. Optimistic about the future
f. Resent competition, believing it makes the pie smaller and them weaker vs. Welcome competition, believing it makes the pie bigger and them better.
g. See challenges as obstacles vs. See challenges as opportunities
h. Think small avoid risk vs. Think big and embrace risk

Resources are necessary, but they are never the precondition for success. A lack of resources can spurs resourcefulness, builds resiliency and confidence. The more time we overcome difficulties, the more capable we are overcoming whatever comes next.

Gratitude makes us resilient, improves our patience. To practice gratitude:
a. Begin and end the day with prayer
b. Practice thankfulness by expressing gratitude for the gifts you have
c. Keep a gratitude journal

The importance of writing Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Risky, Time-Keyed, Exciting, Relevant Goals.

Summary of The Little Book of Common Sense Investing

One of my goal in 2019 is to sit down and write summary of one book I read in that particular month. I was about to blog about Michael Hyatt's book: Your Best Year Ever but ended up finishing this one first. I have been a big fan of John Bogle and his Vanguard index fund. Thanks to him we managed to avoid the high cost mutual funds. However, we do need to be reminded from time to time to simplify our portfolio and focus on passive index fund investing instead of active trading.

The Little Book of Common Sense Investing

John C. Bogle

“My advice to investor is to ignore the short-term noise of the emotions reflected in our financial markets and focus on the productive long-term economics of our corporate businesses.” John Bogle

Commonsense investing strategies:

1. Invest at the earliest possible moment, and continue to put money away regularly from then on.
2. Investing entrails risk, but not investing dooms us to financial failure.
3. Risk of selecting managers and investment styles, can be eliminated by choosing classic index fund.

Oahu Beautiful Beaches and Snorkeling Places

During this visit to Oahu we managed to visit a few beautiful beaches and snorkeling places. Surprisingly, only Waikiki and Hanauma were crowded with people the rest are not, so it was a pleasant surprise.

1. Hanauma Bay State Park: the popular and best snorkeling place in Oahu. It takes about 30 minutes to get here from Waikiki. There are only 300 parking spaces so go early if you are planning to go by car then you can continue your beauty sleep once you get there. :)
The park opens from 6 am to 6 pm and closed on Tuesday.

If you don't have car, you can go by shuttle, taxi, or bus. Park entry fee $7.50 per person. Be prepare to walk down the hill to the Bay or pay $2.50 to ride on the tram. 

 There were lots of fishes big and small but the coral is not as pretty as the one in Philippines or Indonesia.

Diamond Head Hike and KCC Farmer Market

This is one of the highlight of our visit to Honolulu. To get there, we can take local bus or trolley but since we rented a car, we drove from our rental apartment. We chose to go on Saturday because it is located right above the famous KCC farmer market so we can just park our car for free at the Kapiʻolani Community College, where the farmer market takes place. 

My mom can no longer hike that long so Max, our ten years old, who wasn't too excited about hiking volunteered to stay with grandma going around the farmer market.  The market open at 7:30 AM on Saturday; we arrived at the parking lot a little before that then start walking up to the entrance. Just a few minutes into the walk we got to enjoy this view

There were many people already even before 8 AM. 

About 20 minutes or so we reached the entrance. We only have to pay $1 per person to enter the park. Somehow I forgot to pack my walking shoes so I had to wear my regular shoes. Thankfully, it wasn't a strenuous hike so I can still do it with my booties. I wouldn't recommend wearing flip flop though.

This is one of the most touristic trails on the island, so be prepared for the crowds. Be ready to let others pass you and be patient with those slower hikers ahead of you on the trail.